


mind over matter

by marvelstans



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angry Sapnap, Betrayal, Flustered Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), How Do I Tag, Hurt Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), I'm Bad At Summaries, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Minor Violence, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Manberg Festival on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Protective GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Sapnap Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Sapnap Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Soft Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Villain Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:01:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28621473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelstans/pseuds/marvelstans
Summary: "dream-" he calls out, before crashing to his knees, coughing. "dream, please!" the world looks bleary and red around him, red leaching into his vision as he tries valiantly to stand. his eyes lock onto techno, who is standing below him on the unrecognisable ruin of someone's house. sapnap couldn't even begin to guess whose it might have been. TNT still rains from the sky as he shakily lifts his crossbow. he promised that he would help tommy. he promised.all he has left is dream. and dream is... he's different, now. he's cruel. sapnap can't remember the last time he saw a genuine smile. tears blur his vision as he stares at techno, hands beginning to shake now. he pulls the trigger.NON CANONICAL FESTIVAL ENDING.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 158





	1. and if the world don't break

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys! i haven't written in a while. i hope you all enjoy this :D please comment if you did!
> 
> i will put any possible warnings in chapter summaries.
> 
> in this chapter there is mild description of injury and use of weapons.
> 
> not so much this chapter as this is setting up, but later chapters will be heavily influenced by mind over matter by young the giant. highly recommend listening while you read :D

"sapnap, we need you. please." 

"we can't do this without you." 

"we need you." 

the only thing he can hear is the heavy thud of his feet against the ruined ground, and the pounding in his head. he should be running, he should be with dream, he should be helping someone somehow, he should not be here. he doesn't know what he stands for anymore. he hardly notices the strain in his arms and the way his boots slip as he hauls his body up the rungs of the ladder. dream, he has to find dream. this is insanity, he has to stop this. 

"dream-" he calls out, before crashing to his knees, coughing. "dream, please!" the world looks bleary and red around him, red leaching into his vision as he tries valiantly to stand. his eyes lock onto techno, who is standing below him on the unrecognisable ruin of someone's house. sapnap couldn't even begin to guess whose it might have been. TNT still rains from the sky as he shakily lifts his crossbow. he promised that he would help tommy. he promised. 

techno's hair is coming loose from its braid, pink strands falling in front of his eyes. "give up, tommy! you betrayed me!" techno's voice drifts across the ruined land, barely reaching sapnap's ears. his fingers rest on the trigger of the crossbow, hands surprisingly sturdy. nobody is looking at him. nobody would know. techno has ruined everything he has, he ruined l'manburg, he ruined dream...

and does he have anything else? 

all he has left is dream. and dream is... he's different, now. he's cruel. sapnap can't remember the last time he saw a genuine smile. tears blur his vision as he stares at techno, hands beginning to shake now. he pulls the trigger. 

techno doesn't even flinch. he turns slowly. "who was that." the man growls, sunken eyes scanning the area, almost robotic in his movements. sapnap lets his bow drop to the ground, the clatter of wood and metal against the obsidian scraping against his sensitive ears. he locks eyes with the pig man, thinking for a moment that maybe techno will retaliate, finish him off. but the man just smirks, and turns back to tommy and tubbo. sapnap lets out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. he knows, in the back of his head, that he needs to leave. he knows that he has to find dream. but he can't find the strength to move.

even when somebody grabs his shoulder from behind, familiar fingers digging into his shoulder harder than he would like, he doesn't move. when he speaks, his words are lifeless and dull, barely audible over the sound of explosions. "why'd you have to do this, dream." his head moves to the side, allowing dream to see his lips as he speaks. "you didn't have to do this." 

dream's fingers squeeze his shoulder tighter, past the point of a friendly grip. "oh, sapnap. you still don't get it, you still don't understand." his tone is mocking, the words cutting through the ringing filling sapnap's head. he screws his eyes shut, not wanting to hear anything more. this is not his friend. 

"what, dream. what don't i understand." he says flatly, wrenching his shoulder out of dream's grip with a wince. he turns to face his fri- dream. his whole body is shaking as he forces himself to lock eyes with the man. as his eyes drag upwards, sapnap can hardly read the expression on dream's face. he hasn't seen this look in a long time, not since... since before any of the conflict, any wars, when it was just him and dream and george just _being_. it's a look that sapnap vaguely recognises as concern, dream's features twisted into a frown as sapnap's glassy eyes stare through him. 

the pounding in his head has turned to a ringing, and sapnap hardly hears when dream speaks. "huh?" he mumbles, swaying on his feet. the hand is back on his shoulder, but this time it's not a threat, it's stability, and sapnap is grateful for it. "i said, are you okay?" dream repeats, words barely cutting through the fog engulfing his mind. "mm, i'm fine." sapnap says, eyes unfocused. dream's other hand comes up to touch his cheek softly, tilting up sapnap's face with a delicateness the man had almost forgotten his friend was capable of. he wants to push dream away, he doesn't want to touch him anymore, _he needs dream_.

everything hurts. he's standing too still, and it hurts. "i- i gotta go-" sapnap stares off over dream's shoulder, helplessly watching as phil sets off yet another storm of TNT. dream's thumb strokes over his cheekbone, green eyes trailing down the younger's body. if sapnap didn't know better, he'd think dream was worried about him. "no, nick." dream's voice is soft, reminiscent of better times. "you don't need to go anywhere." 

"come on. you'll be safe, i promise."

and sapnap knows he needs to fight back. he knows that this cruel caricature of dream doesn't want to help him, he doesn't care about him. but it's been so long since someone has touched him this gently, since someone has cared. in the back of his mind, he knows that he probably won't make it out of this one alive. his hair is matted from blood, he isn't sure if it's his or someone else's. maybe both. his ankle is fucked, and he thinks hazily that he's broken a good few ribs. not to mention the multiple arrow wounds he managed to sustain through recklessness. he opens his mouth to bite out a scathing reply, but all that comes out of his traitorous mouth is, 

"take me home, dream. please, i want to go home."

the last thing he remembers is dream's axe hitting the ground, and strong arms lifting him off the ground. he lets his head loll against dream's blood-stained chest, and allows the blackness to take over his mind. 

s


	2. ill be shaking it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he squints in the dim light, making out what he deems to be, probably, a man. his face is hidden in his arms, dirty blonde curls covering his forehead. as sapnap watches, the person moves, revealing a lightly freckled face. "dream?" he barely registers that he speaks, but dream stirs, lifting his head. the other man's expression flashes from sleep-smoothed and peaceful to an ugly mixture of anger and concern. as dream's face contorts, the barely visible scar running from his temple and across his nose and cheek wrinkles slightly. "sapnap?" he mumbles, rubbing his eye with a scarred, blood-stained hand. 
> 
> (sapnap wakes up at dream's.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw manipulative behaviour, mentions of depression, description of a panic attack
> 
> poor sapnap idk why im doing this to him lol
> 
> anyway sorry for not updating sooner! i have school n im kinda preoccupied :( ill try harder

_after_

sapnap's head pounds as he forces his eyes open. he expects blinding light, but to his surprise the room is dimly lit, as if whoever put him here thought about his waking. that's kind, he thinks tiredly, attempting to sit up but the pain in his torso forces him back down. "fuck." he breathes out into what he assumes is an empty room. but as he speaks, he becomes dimly aware of a figure curled up in the chair beside his bed. 

he squints in the dim light, making out what he deems to be, probably, a man. his face is hidden in his arms, dirty blonde curls covering his forehead. as sapnap watches, the person moves, revealing a lightly freckled face. "dream?" he barely registers that he speaks, but dream stirs, lifting his head. the other man's expression flashes from sleep-smoothed and peaceful to an ugly mixture of anger and concern. as dream's face contorts, the barely visible scar running from his temple and across his nose and cheek wrinkles slightly. "sapnap?" he mumbles, rubbing his eye with a scarred, blood-stained hand. 

the younger boy moves faster that he should, scrambling across the bed in an attempt to get further from dream. "where am i? where is george? why are you here?" he asks, voice panicky as he speaks. "why are you here?" he isn't sure why he repeats the last question, brain all jumbled with sleep and anxiety, which is only made worse by dream's attempt at comfort. the other man moves towards sapnap entirely too fast for his panic-ridden brain, and he backs up further, back pressed into the wall where the bed meets the room's corner. "stop- get away from me-" he gasps, bringing his arms up in an attempt to defend himself. 

dream's face contorts in an indeterminable expression, but he stops moving. "sapnap, it's dream. george is safe, i made sure of it." the well intentioned words don't land well with sapnap, who takes 'george is safe' as 'i have kidnapped george and he is being held hostage by the enemy'. that's kinda funny if he thinks about it, because really, that's what's currently happening to him. he gasps for air, feeling like his airway is closing in. "where is george, i want george!" he chokes out, pulling at the neck of his shirt. "please, please go away, i want george-"

dream's face falls, reaching out a hand for sapnap, which is met with terrified eyes and the younger man curling further in on himself despite how much his ribs are hurting. "please, please. i just want george." he sobs, images of dream with a hunting knife flashing in front of his eyes. without a word, dream leaves the room, door slamming shut behind him. sapnap jumps at the loud noise, his breathing too loud in the silent room. he puts his head on his knees and sobs, the tight feeling in his chest getting worse and worse until he's gasping for breath. 

suddenly, there is an arm around his shoulders, and a familiar accent saying his name. "-nap? sapnap?" he hardly registers george's voice, grabbing his friend's sweater and clinging to him for dear life. "george, i thought you were dead, i thought he killed you-" sapnap sobs, forehead pressed against george's chest. 

"thought who killed me?" george asks softly. "dream?"

sapnap nods, breathing still too heavy and chest still too tight. "he- god, george, you didn't see the things he did, the things he was going to do, i thought he was going to kill me, i thought i was going to die-" he knows he's rambling but he can't stop, brain rushing 100 miles an hour as he tries to calm down. george's arms wrap around him and hold him tightly, like he's done countless times before now. he buries his face in sapnap's hair, needing this hug as much as the younger boy does. "i'm okay. i'm right here, i'm alive, you're alive, we're okay. nobody will hurt you when i'm here." he whispers into his hair, listening to sapnap's breathing slow back down to a normal pace, albeit a few shaky breaths every few minutes. 

finally, sapnap lifts his head, face tinged red and stained with tears. "where were you? i was looking- i thought you might have- i don't even know. i was so scared for you, george." 

the older man sighs. "i'm sorry, sap. i- you know i'm not good at battles. i was- i was here. dream told me that you took a hit and passed out in the middle of the battlefield." sapnap bites his lip, almost hard enough to draw blood. 

"yeah, i, uh, i had to jump in front of one of techno's arrows. i forgot he's fancy and he only uses harming arrows. hurts like a bitch." 

"why did you do that?" george's tone is so shocked and appalled that sapnap would laugh if even the thought didn't make him wince. 

"he was aiming for tubbo." sapnap shrugs. "dumbass bee boy didn't even notice." he attempts to joke, his smile falling quickly when he notices dream standing in the doorway. 

_how long has he been there?_

"long enough." oh. sapnap said that out loud, apparently. dream is looking at him with a weird expression, somewhere between heartbreak and hatred. when he finally speaks, his words are small and broken. "i- i didn't mean to scare you, nick." the use of his real name makes sapnap jolt, body stiffening. he doesn't pull away from george, needing the comfort of his friend. george makes a small motion with his hand, _don't come closer._

dream nods slightly, looking at the floor. "i- i didn't mean to hurt you. you weren't meant to be involved."

"yeah, well, i am." the venom in sapnap's words surprises even himself, and dream visibly recoils, lower lip trembling. 

"i know. if fucking tommy hadn't given you that fish-"

"this had _nothing_ to do with tommy, how are you _STILL_ blaming him? this is _YOUR FAULT, DREAM!_ " sapnap spits out, anger replacing anxiety as he stares down the blonde man. "when are you gonna face up to it? this whole thing is your fault. **_you're the bad guy, how do you still not see this?"_**

dream's whole face drops, lips parting with unspoken words. "sapnap, that isn't fair-"

"no, dream, it is fair. every single event that led to this was your doing. you could have prevented all of this, everything that happened was your fault! you forced l'manburg to be formed, the residents needed somewhere to hide from you and you _still_ managed to ruin it! you exiled tommy, you manipulated and gaslit tommy until he almost _killed himself_ , you teamed with fucking technoblade to blow up the only home some of those residents had, and you're _still_ playing the victim? come on, dream. face it, you are the antagonist! you're the villain! **_you are in the wrong, and you always have been._** and i can't keep pretending you're the person i've been friends with all this time, because you aren't. something in you has changed, dream. i don't know who you are anymore." 

as sapnap's voice fades, he lets out a shaky breath, lifting his head to meet dream's eyes. he's expecting anger, a punch, anything other than what he sees. 

dream is crying. 

no, he's sobbing, body shaking silently as he stands, arms wrapped around himself in the doorway. 

as much as he hates this charactiure of his friend, the sight makes sapnap want to take all of his words back and hug dream until his pieces slot back together. 

but he doesn't. he extracts himself from george's arms, which have fallen limp by this point anyway, allowing his friend to go to dream. 

he turns his back as he feels george's weight leave the bed, and hears dream's muffled sobs in the material of george's hoodie. he doesn't move until he hears george quietly whisper to dream that maybe they should go to dream's room, and the door gently closes behind them. 

sapnap doesn't cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAHHH i hope you like this! it was written at 2am so it is probably terrible lol
> 
> pls leave a kudo and maybe a comment if you liked it? it really makes my day :D 
> 
> thank you for reading!


	3. author note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update :// 
> 
> not doing so hot, expect serious angst lol

hey guys, im really sorry about this but i'm not sure if i'll finish this fic, i dont like the direction that its going and i dont feel ive related it to the song enough. i might take the concept into a new story, will you let me know if you guys would want that?

sorry, again

i may update but as of right now im not sure, im really sorry, i was looking forward to writing it but ive kinda lost my spark :/

hope you guys stick around tho?


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